u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I wish you could order shots online.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
