i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
how does that bad decision feel?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
