We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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