But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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