Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
