i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
