just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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