Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
