Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Panties = found
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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