I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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