it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
