my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
