Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
