shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
