All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
