No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
