Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
