using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
