Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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