My room smells like vodka and shame
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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