i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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