I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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