even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
