why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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