We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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