There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
if i died would you start the facebook group?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize