You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
