We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
