i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
