God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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