dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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