Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize