You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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