I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
