the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
