this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
