im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
