I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
