This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
