roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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