you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
