I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
