She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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