I've blown a few things in my day
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
