my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
