Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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