i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
