I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
