After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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