Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
