I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
