is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I want her autograph on my taint
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
