JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
