I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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