Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
