So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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