filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
