I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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