There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
