Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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