Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think I sprained my soul last night
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
