then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
