he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
