you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
