I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
