I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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