I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
