I cockslap morals
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize