I'm pants shitting drunk right now
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
