I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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