Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
