Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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