Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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