i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
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