Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
