Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize