I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
