how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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