do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
