I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
