4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
