turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
