What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
