My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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