I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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