I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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