I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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