her vagine was all disorganized.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
