So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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