So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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