Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
