I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
