Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
