There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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