I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize