there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
