420 ftw
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
