I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
