Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize