so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
